July Book of the Month: Knowing and being Known

“I can live without sex, but I can’t live without intimacy.” 

This sentence from Erin Moniz says so much about the confusion many of us carry when it comes to relationships and intimacy. You see, in our culture, intimacy is almost always framed in romantic or sexual terms. Movies, music, and social media teach us that being truly known is reserved for a romantic partner—and if you don’t have that, you’re somehow incomplete. What a load of bull!  Rightfully so, Erin challenges this deeply ingrained assumption and gives us a more expansive, biblical vision of what intimacy really is.

She reminds us that we were made for intimacy—with God, yes, but also with others. Not just spouses, but friends. Real friends. Friends who know your story, who hold your pain, who speak truth, and who walk with you over the long haul.  Real friends. That kind of intimacy is sacred. And it’s POSSIBLE—even essential—whether you’re single, married, divorced, or widowed.

Redeemer, I can’t emphasis enough how much I LOVED this book. No one has ever asked me to submit of “Book of the Year,” but if the New York Times calls, I’m ready to go full-campaign mode for “Knowing and Being Known.”  Moniz paints such a beautiful vision for community, friendship, and the crucial role the church plays in all of this.

Things I loved from the book:

The Distinction Between Sex and Intimacy
Our culture often treats those two things as interchangeable. Erin gently but firmly pulls them apart, showing that while sex is one form of intimacy, it’s not the only one—and for many, it’s not even the most transformative. True intimacy is about vulnerability, trust, and presence. It’s about being known and loved without needing to perform or impress. That kind of intimacy is what all of us were created for and there’s hope for all of us to enjoy it!

A Bigger Vision of Friendship
One of the most refreshing parts of the book is how it reclaims friendship as a vital, life-giving part of the Christian life. Erin gives us a vision for friendships that are intentional, spiritual, and even covenantal. That might sound radical in a world where friendship is often casual or transactional—but it’s also exactly what many of us are starving for. This should help us ask: what if friendship isn’t second-best to marriage, but a calling in its own right?

The Loneliness Beneath the Surface
Erin writes with compassion about the ache so many people carry—even in a world of constant connection. She names the ache for what it is: a longing to be truly known. And she offers real, hopeful pathways forward. Whether you're single and wondering if intimacy is still possible for you, or married but feeling unseen, this book speaks directly to that quiet longing.

Theological Depth and Emotional Honesty
This isn’t just a feel-good book about being nice to your friends. It’s rooted in a rich theology of the Trinity, incarnation, and community. Erin connects the dots between our relational needs and God’s design for us as image-bearers. But she also writes with honesty about the messiness of real relationships—the awkward starts, the drift that happens over time, the pain of unmet expectations. She doesn’t sugarcoat it, and I appreciated that.  

Invitation to Intentionality
Perhaps what I loved most was the gentle push toward action. This book doesn’t just inspire you—it invites you to examine your own relationships and ask where you’re settling for surface-level connection. It made me want to show up more consistently in my friendships, to ask better questions, to listen more deeply, and to be a safer place for others.  

SUMMARY:

Knowing and Being Known is a gift. It speaks to a cultural wound we often don’t know how to name: the crisis of loneliness in a world obsessed with romance. Dr. Erin Moniz helps us see that intimacy isn’t reserved for a few—it’s something God made all of us for. And friendship, when rooted in Christ, can be one of the most powerful ways we experience his love.

If you’ve ever felt unseen, longed for deeper connection, or wondered if true friendship is still possible in adulthood, this book is for you. It’s rich, grounded, and full of hope.
Redeemer, let’s be a church that doesn’t just talk about community but actually cultivates it—through intentional friendship, spiritual depth, and the courage to be known.

Grace and peace,
Drew

*Dr Moniz is a deacon in our diocese, as well as a chaplain at Baylor University in Waco, Texas.  She gave an INCREDIBLE talk on “Pastoring Toward a Biblical Sexual Ethic” at our clergy conference in April of this year…would highly recommend!